What every mother knows is, nothing. That is not a startling fact, it is just a fact. When we start our trip to motherhood, that first instant that we find out we are pregnant, we think we know it all. And we don't. With some of us our bodies rebel at pregnancy. We throw up a little and a lot. Foods that we loved before become abhorrent to us. The thought of sex? Fun because we are already pregnant and not so fun because we are pregnant.
Then after nine or so months we go through the most incredible pain we have ever felt in our lives. Some babies make the trip in record time, some take hours and some take the alternative route, a C-section. Any way that they get here we are suddenly (and it does seem sudden) mothers. We are handed a baby. This little creature that grew inside of us is here and for the most part many of us are quite unsure of what to do next. Take me for instance. I had sworn I would never have children. They did not appeal to me. Babies, well they were babies. Latched onto their mothers, demanding attention 24/7. Then I met my niece Kelly. She was only 3 or 4 days old at the time. And even though she has grown to a beautiful woman at the time of our first meeting she was (in my opinion) the ugliest little thing I had ever seen. She was red, scrawny, screeching and I wanted one. My hormones kicked into high gear and I could not wait to get pregnant. I have often said, if it were not for Kelly my eldest son Eli would not be here. Blame it on those damn hormones.
I had never even held a baby. Eli was my first. I knew nothing about the care, feeding or the changing of diapers. I don't know what I expected. But what ever it was, the baby handed to me after some 32 hours of labor, wasn't it. I struggled, I managed and 5 years later, I did it again. Eric was the second baby I ever held.
Children do not come with manuals. If they did and one was handed out to each newly married couple or woman of childbearing years, there might be less children. No matter how much advice is handed to the newly pregnant couple or the new mother (or father) they are surprised when they realize that maybe, just maybe, this is not what they expected. Maybe they expected instant bonding, or a feeling of completeness or some other notion and when it didn't happen, they feel somehow they failed. But they haven't. Parents come in all different sizes, shapes and forms. You have parents that sign their babies up for elite pre-schools before they are born, you have some that will drive hundreds if not thousands of miles toting their children from activity to activity. You have some like myself that are thankful to have made it through the baby phase to toddler. I enjoyed watching the personalities grow. I liked the walking, the talking, the being driven mad by the curiosity. I don't consider myself a 'good' mother. I just never had it in me to be that mother that I thought existed on some higher plane. The one that seemed to be able to handle whatever their kids, small or large threw at them. These women that could survive the breastfeeding, 3 hours of sleep, keeping house, working and still have great sex with their husbands. These women that always had energy, never showed up wearing yesterday's clothes partially covered in baby puke and who fit into their pre-pregnancy clothes within a week of giving birth. These women are just myth. Behind every smile, there is a tear. Until today my own husband never realized how hard it was for me to hold it together sometimes. To stay home when I wanted to run away.
I admire women and men who want to be parents. It is not an easy road to travel. It is the hardest thing that any human can willingly do. To be responsible for such a thing as another life is amazing, inspiring and at times, overwhelming. Would I do it again? Yes. Not to say if I knew back then what I know now I wouldn't hesitate. I might. But sometimes it's better to take a leap of faith than to worry about what might be.
What I felt at the birth of each of my sons was relief, awe and wonder. Did I love them immediately? I'm not sure. But I know that I felt and immense connection to them. I would have never given them up once they were placed in my arms. I knew I had a lifelong commitment to be there for them. So if that is love, then yes, I loved my sons immediately. And my love for them has grown as they have grown. I have always have and always will love them. It really is as simple as that. You don't always have to like them but you always will love them and that is what gets you through the diapers, puke and tears.
What every mother knows? Everything...........
Then after nine or so months we go through the most incredible pain we have ever felt in our lives. Some babies make the trip in record time, some take hours and some take the alternative route, a C-section. Any way that they get here we are suddenly (and it does seem sudden) mothers. We are handed a baby. This little creature that grew inside of us is here and for the most part many of us are quite unsure of what to do next. Take me for instance. I had sworn I would never have children. They did not appeal to me. Babies, well they were babies. Latched onto their mothers, demanding attention 24/7. Then I met my niece Kelly. She was only 3 or 4 days old at the time. And even though she has grown to a beautiful woman at the time of our first meeting she was (in my opinion) the ugliest little thing I had ever seen. She was red, scrawny, screeching and I wanted one. My hormones kicked into high gear and I could not wait to get pregnant. I have often said, if it were not for Kelly my eldest son Eli would not be here. Blame it on those damn hormones.
I had never even held a baby. Eli was my first. I knew nothing about the care, feeding or the changing of diapers. I don't know what I expected. But what ever it was, the baby handed to me after some 32 hours of labor, wasn't it. I struggled, I managed and 5 years later, I did it again. Eric was the second baby I ever held.
Children do not come with manuals. If they did and one was handed out to each newly married couple or woman of childbearing years, there might be less children. No matter how much advice is handed to the newly pregnant couple or the new mother (or father) they are surprised when they realize that maybe, just maybe, this is not what they expected. Maybe they expected instant bonding, or a feeling of completeness or some other notion and when it didn't happen, they feel somehow they failed. But they haven't. Parents come in all different sizes, shapes and forms. You have parents that sign their babies up for elite pre-schools before they are born, you have some that will drive hundreds if not thousands of miles toting their children from activity to activity. You have some like myself that are thankful to have made it through the baby phase to toddler. I enjoyed watching the personalities grow. I liked the walking, the talking, the being driven mad by the curiosity. I don't consider myself a 'good' mother. I just never had it in me to be that mother that I thought existed on some higher plane. The one that seemed to be able to handle whatever their kids, small or large threw at them. These women that could survive the breastfeeding, 3 hours of sleep, keeping house, working and still have great sex with their husbands. These women that always had energy, never showed up wearing yesterday's clothes partially covered in baby puke and who fit into their pre-pregnancy clothes within a week of giving birth. These women are just myth. Behind every smile, there is a tear. Until today my own husband never realized how hard it was for me to hold it together sometimes. To stay home when I wanted to run away.
I admire women and men who want to be parents. It is not an easy road to travel. It is the hardest thing that any human can willingly do. To be responsible for such a thing as another life is amazing, inspiring and at times, overwhelming. Would I do it again? Yes. Not to say if I knew back then what I know now I wouldn't hesitate. I might. But sometimes it's better to take a leap of faith than to worry about what might be.
What I felt at the birth of each of my sons was relief, awe and wonder. Did I love them immediately? I'm not sure. But I know that I felt and immense connection to them. I would have never given them up once they were placed in my arms. I knew I had a lifelong commitment to be there for them. So if that is love, then yes, I loved my sons immediately. And my love for them has grown as they have grown. I have always have and always will love them. It really is as simple as that. You don't always have to like them but you always will love them and that is what gets you through the diapers, puke and tears.
What every mother knows? Everything...........
