In walking down my dirt road one of the pleasures other than the visual beauty are the smells. Sounds a bit crazy doesn't it? But not every part of my road smells the same. There are areas where the smell is definitely cows. And some spots where it is the decaying smell of the woods, rich, dark and damp. Then there is the spot at the west end of the road, a field and to me it smell like pipe tobacco. I smoked a pipe at one time in my youth. I preferred a blend called 'Black Cherry'. Rich and fruity the smoke tickled your nose and filled the air.
Ah yes I was a wicked child. Cigarettes, pipes and cigars, at one time I smoked and enjoyed them all. I have learned that some indulgences are not good for you but to tell you the truth if I were to start smoking again it would be the pipe and that blend of tobacco.
But my bad habits are not the point of this writing. It is the smells that surrounds us and the memories they can evoke. The field with it pipe tobacco scent takes me back to college and the days after. Hot summer days when the air is filled with the scent of pine pitch reminds me of being a kid exploring the woods near my home. Scents carried on breezes stir memories tucked away in the far reaches of our minds.
It is like waiting for spring. When does it arrive? Surely not by the date on the calendar nor by any determination made by a groundhog. Spring arrives when I can smell it. It is a tantalizing smell. Just beyond the reach of memory. It can happen when the snow is on the ground or when it has almost melted. Spring is not just the green shoots coming up through the soil, it is also the smell of the soil. Of the hundreds of years of compost in that soil. The rocks worn down to sand. The leaves and lives of those before us. It is perhaps a primordial, genetic or generational. But spring has a scent, a fragrance, a smell. Even my husband who cannot smell the delicate scent of the blueberry blossom recognizes the scent of spring. He waits as do I for that day that it comes through the air and leaves us breathless with anticipation.
So be a connoisseur of fine air. Sniff it, savor it, enjoy it. It is not just what we need to live, it is also something to be enjoyed. So go out and enjoy the visual beauty of spring and the scent of spring.
29 April 2011
25 April 2011
As time goes by...
As I walked down my dirt road today I realized how much things change yet seem to stay the same. Time goes by and our minds gradually accept the change as if it was always there.
Spring doesn't suddenly come upon us out of nowhere. It is slow and subtle. The snow starts to melt, the trees buds start to swell. Birds arrive from their winter homes and new life appears. And at some point we forget winter and become engrossed in spring. Checking the gardens for those first signs that the ground is thawing. That our parsnips made it through or the rhubarb is once again breaking through the soil. I walk around and through my gardens over and over in anticipation of the world waking up again. I can hardly wait for the snow to recede so I can go into places my feet have not wandered since the snow and cold came. I go down to what we call our 'birdie pond', a small water feature in the lower section of our yard to see if the Lenten rose has come up and if the miniature bleeding hearts have started to show. Every year it is the same and every year it is new and wondrous. I am always astounded that once again out of seemingly nothingness comes such beauty.
Today as I walked down my road it was if I was walking through my gardens. I know the shoots of the wild oats coming up and the coltsfoot blooming at the roads edge. I see the patches of small green leaves that will become violets or the fuzzy stalks of the cinnamon fern slowly coming up through the leaf litter at the edges of the woods.
It is all new, yet comfortably the same. Then I remember in a way it is all new and different. I have lived on this road for 30 plus years. It has all changed in ways that I have come to accept so I no longer see the difference. It is just the dirt road I live on and love.
Spring doesn't suddenly come upon us out of nowhere. It is slow and subtle. The snow starts to melt, the trees buds start to swell. Birds arrive from their winter homes and new life appears. And at some point we forget winter and become engrossed in spring. Checking the gardens for those first signs that the ground is thawing. That our parsnips made it through or the rhubarb is once again breaking through the soil. I walk around and through my gardens over and over in anticipation of the world waking up again. I can hardly wait for the snow to recede so I can go into places my feet have not wandered since the snow and cold came. I go down to what we call our 'birdie pond', a small water feature in the lower section of our yard to see if the Lenten rose has come up and if the miniature bleeding hearts have started to show. Every year it is the same and every year it is new and wondrous. I am always astounded that once again out of seemingly nothingness comes such beauty.
Today as I walked down my road it was if I was walking through my gardens. I know the shoots of the wild oats coming up and the coltsfoot blooming at the roads edge. I see the patches of small green leaves that will become violets or the fuzzy stalks of the cinnamon fern slowly coming up through the leaf litter at the edges of the woods.
It is all new, yet comfortably the same. Then I remember in a way it is all new and different. I have lived on this road for 30 plus years. It has all changed in ways that I have come to accept so I no longer see the difference. It is just the dirt road I live on and love.
15 April 2011
A time out...
Some of my readers may be parents or some of you may remember 'time out' from childhood. Today I needed a 'time out' for my behavior was a bit selfish and I wanted to stomp my feet and throw things. But being of a mature age I did neither. Okay I cried and whined but I didn't throw anything or stomp my feet. Why did I do this? Because I didn't get my way. That's right I was acting like a 3 year old because today it was fated I stay home yet again and I didn't wanna.
Earlier in the week a problem developed with my vehicle. Turns out it was a brake cable but the part won't be in till Monday so that is one vehicle down. So the alternative vehicle was Bubba (yes it has a name). Our 1994 GMC Sierra 1 ton pick up. Not my vehicle of choice for longer drives. Today I was to go to Keene to do shopping and errands. I promised myself a stop at Agway (hey I garden, love the store), a stop at JoAnne's Fabrics (I sew, so what can I say?) and finally a stop at Michael's (can we say crafts?). Oh but first a stop at Allen Bros. for a couple of those deliciously wicked cider donuts. And that is as far as I got.
Coming out I noticed something dripping under Bubba. I hoped for the best, like a gigantic piece of ice melting but knew it would be worse. And it was. As far as I could tell (and I am no mechanic) I blew a transmission fluid line. So I did what I needed to do which was go back the way I came. I made it home but I was feeling far from grateful. In fact I was feeling very ungrateful. Still a beautiful day out, lots of things I could do here but I wanted to be elsewhere and I sulked and I moped.
I finally took myself down the driveway and took a right onto the dirt road. It took a while but my perspective did change. I walked by Mike's cattle and saw a couple of newborns out in the pasture, snuggled up to their mama's. The white of their coats shining like bright copper pennies telling me how new they were, how young. I watched a hawk circling on thermals. From one to another, around and around. What a glorious sight. I saw a tom turkey with his flock of hens. They looked sleek and healthy and Mr. Tom fanned his tail and strutted his stuff for his ladies. The sides of the road are dotted with bright yellow coltsfoot flowers and the snow has all but disappeared. And I'm complaining about how rough I have it? I just didn't get what I wanted. How ridiculous. Look at all I have. A home, a family and friends.
So my 'time out' worked and brought me back to reality. I am lucky, very lucky and sometimes I forget that. I think we all do. Sometimes it takes an inconvenience (and that is all this was) to remind me of what I have and what a lot of people don't have.
Well at least I got the donuts and they were good.
Earlier in the week a problem developed with my vehicle. Turns out it was a brake cable but the part won't be in till Monday so that is one vehicle down. So the alternative vehicle was Bubba (yes it has a name). Our 1994 GMC Sierra 1 ton pick up. Not my vehicle of choice for longer drives. Today I was to go to Keene to do shopping and errands. I promised myself a stop at Agway (hey I garden, love the store), a stop at JoAnne's Fabrics (I sew, so what can I say?) and finally a stop at Michael's (can we say crafts?). Oh but first a stop at Allen Bros. for a couple of those deliciously wicked cider donuts. And that is as far as I got.
Coming out I noticed something dripping under Bubba. I hoped for the best, like a gigantic piece of ice melting but knew it would be worse. And it was. As far as I could tell (and I am no mechanic) I blew a transmission fluid line. So I did what I needed to do which was go back the way I came. I made it home but I was feeling far from grateful. In fact I was feeling very ungrateful. Still a beautiful day out, lots of things I could do here but I wanted to be elsewhere and I sulked and I moped.
I finally took myself down the driveway and took a right onto the dirt road. It took a while but my perspective did change. I walked by Mike's cattle and saw a couple of newborns out in the pasture, snuggled up to their mama's. The white of their coats shining like bright copper pennies telling me how new they were, how young. I watched a hawk circling on thermals. From one to another, around and around. What a glorious sight. I saw a tom turkey with his flock of hens. They looked sleek and healthy and Mr. Tom fanned his tail and strutted his stuff for his ladies. The sides of the road are dotted with bright yellow coltsfoot flowers and the snow has all but disappeared. And I'm complaining about how rough I have it? I just didn't get what I wanted. How ridiculous. Look at all I have. A home, a family and friends.
So my 'time out' worked and brought me back to reality. I am lucky, very lucky and sometimes I forget that. I think we all do. Sometimes it takes an inconvenience (and that is all this was) to remind me of what I have and what a lot of people don't have.
Well at least I got the donuts and they were good.
The quiet of morning.
Normally I do this blogging thing at night. When the dark skies bring a sense of calm, the hubby is all tucked up in his bed and the doggies are gently snoring away. That is when I think I have all my ducks in a row, all thoughts orderly and mannerly and all that is probably completely wrong. But none of that really matters at the moment. It is still relatively early being around 7:30 a.m., I have a hot cup of tea on the bed stand waiting for some moment of reflection so I may sip on it. The one constant in this picture are the dogs gently snoring. Its hard for old dogs to get excited about waking up for more than getting up to go outside, do their 'duty' and come back to bed. That and food are the 2 big thrills in their lives.
I wanted to note the subtle and not so subtle changes on this dirt road for you.
One change, our oldest son Eli was able to come home for a way too short visit. He is in the Navy, going into his 10th year this month and when he is here I don't see a 30 yr old man with an entire life I have no clue about. I see a 10 year old, I see my firstborn, my baby. It was good having him here. His life is full of turmoil at the moment and sometimes when life is like that you need a touchstone. Something from your past that invokes some peace in your soul. Hopefully being among old friends, family and childhood memories helped.
Another change, although not quite as emotional wrenching as say goodbye to Eli, is saying goodbye to the birdfeeders. Once the ground begins to show and the days start to warm up we know that the black bear will start waking up. Bears are not lovely stuffed animals to be hugged and petted. They are wild, they just woke up, their fur is a mess, they have to pee and they are as hungry as all get out. That means bad things could happen. And leaving feeders up no matter how well intentioned just is not a good idea. Birds take seed from feeders, bears break the feeder for the seed. Not good at all.
So this changes how mornings sound around here. The bluejay gang are off to some other 'diner' for their morning chat. The smaller birds still pop in to see if there are any seeds left in the flower beds or around where the feeders had hung. (No matter how many times I rake or sweep, something gets left behind.) The geese are back and fly overhead like clockwork. And I spotted the one with the bad wing back at his (or her) post on the beaver lodge.
The newts are starting their foray from the woods to the beaver pond to meet and greet other newts and hopefully increase the population. The first coltsfoot are starting to bloom on the side of the road and surprisingly enough the snow has released its grip and is starting to be just a memory. There still are a couple of places with piles (like behind the house). But even that will be gone shortly.
I was able to hang some laundry out which to me brings spring sharply into focus. When I was a kid we had a dryer but my mom loved to air dry our laundry. We had lines set up from the garage to poles behind it. And to hide the laundry from any prying eyes lilac bushes were planted close by. To me part of childhood comes back when the lilacs are in bloom and I am hanging freshly washed clothes outside. And yes I planted lilacs by my clothesline even though the prying eyes up here are more of the rodent and winged type. Getting that first load hung and seeing the fat buds on those lilacs brings a certain anticipation to the season.
Last but never least in this kaleidoscope of spring are the peepers. Even now there are a few trying to attract a mate by calling out. Evenings are their normal hours of 'dating'. And with the still cool nights action is not so hot on this dirt road. But you give them one evening when the temps stay up a bit and all hell will break loose. There are spots on the dirt road where their 'song' reverberates in your body. There are so many and they are so loud you not only hear them but feel them. And that pretty much describes spring, it is something you see around you, hear around you but also feel around you. It really is a time of birth, rebirth and hope.
I wanted to note the subtle and not so subtle changes on this dirt road for you.
One change, our oldest son Eli was able to come home for a way too short visit. He is in the Navy, going into his 10th year this month and when he is here I don't see a 30 yr old man with an entire life I have no clue about. I see a 10 year old, I see my firstborn, my baby. It was good having him here. His life is full of turmoil at the moment and sometimes when life is like that you need a touchstone. Something from your past that invokes some peace in your soul. Hopefully being among old friends, family and childhood memories helped.
Another change, although not quite as emotional wrenching as say goodbye to Eli, is saying goodbye to the birdfeeders. Once the ground begins to show and the days start to warm up we know that the black bear will start waking up. Bears are not lovely stuffed animals to be hugged and petted. They are wild, they just woke up, their fur is a mess, they have to pee and they are as hungry as all get out. That means bad things could happen. And leaving feeders up no matter how well intentioned just is not a good idea. Birds take seed from feeders, bears break the feeder for the seed. Not good at all.
So this changes how mornings sound around here. The bluejay gang are off to some other 'diner' for their morning chat. The smaller birds still pop in to see if there are any seeds left in the flower beds or around where the feeders had hung. (No matter how many times I rake or sweep, something gets left behind.) The geese are back and fly overhead like clockwork. And I spotted the one with the bad wing back at his (or her) post on the beaver lodge.
The newts are starting their foray from the woods to the beaver pond to meet and greet other newts and hopefully increase the population. The first coltsfoot are starting to bloom on the side of the road and surprisingly enough the snow has released its grip and is starting to be just a memory. There still are a couple of places with piles (like behind the house). But even that will be gone shortly.
I was able to hang some laundry out which to me brings spring sharply into focus. When I was a kid we had a dryer but my mom loved to air dry our laundry. We had lines set up from the garage to poles behind it. And to hide the laundry from any prying eyes lilac bushes were planted close by. To me part of childhood comes back when the lilacs are in bloom and I am hanging freshly washed clothes outside. And yes I planted lilacs by my clothesline even though the prying eyes up here are more of the rodent and winged type. Getting that first load hung and seeing the fat buds on those lilacs brings a certain anticipation to the season.
Last but never least in this kaleidoscope of spring are the peepers. Even now there are a few trying to attract a mate by calling out. Evenings are their normal hours of 'dating'. And with the still cool nights action is not so hot on this dirt road. But you give them one evening when the temps stay up a bit and all hell will break loose. There are spots on the dirt road where their 'song' reverberates in your body. There are so many and they are so loud you not only hear them but feel them. And that pretty much describes spring, it is something you see around you, hear around you but also feel around you. It really is a time of birth, rebirth and hope.
10 April 2011
Familia...
Families are like dirt roads. Full of twists and turns, bumps and beautiful sights. But most of all they take you from here to there.
I am very fortunate that my 'families', adopted, married into and biological are full of great people. So far I haven't met a relative I can't at least tolerate. And as I have grown older I have learned how important family is. They are there, whether or not they want to be, to help you through good times and bad. And the longer you stick together the closer you become.
In the past few years my family status has changed a great deal. My oldest son joined the Navy and was stationed for 5 years in Japan. My adoptive parents died. I found out I am the middle child of 5. I have a sister and 3 brothers. My nephew, his wife and their little girl moved to MA. My brother-in-law and his wife moved back to MA after 30 years in Las Vegas. I had cancer. My father-in-law had cancer. My youngest son got married. Not all in that order but all in my family.
My large, extended, wonderful family.
I won't say it is a perfect relationship with each an every one. But I think on the whole they are all pretty good relationships and time has seen them grow.
I really like my 'redneck' nephew. He grew up in Las Vegas so we really didn't get to see him much. But since his move to MA with his wife and daughter we have gotten to know them better. Granted we come from different age groups and there are probably quite a few things we might disagree on but I really like them. Yeah it surprises me cause I am not a people person. I wasn't brought up in what you might call a close a bonding family unit. I was also extremely shy (yes, shy) and introverted as a kid so seeing people, meeting them and actually having to talk to them was not something I enjoyed doing. So it always amazes and delights me when I find I like people.
I like my nephew's tenacity to believe in things considered 'redneck'. Political or otherwise. I enjoy his wife's intelligence and the fact that she had gone back to school for and associates degree and she is kicking ass doing it. And their daughter is a kid. Not some mini-adult in kid's clothing. But a kid enjoying being a kid and not rushing to get all grown up. She still enjoys going into grandma's jewelry box and playing 'dress up' with the sparkling, colorful costume jewelry.
I got to spend quite a bit of time this weekend with family. I went to NYC, Brooklyn to be precise on Saturday with my cousin. From 6:45 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. It was great. I was talked out, foot tired and happy as a clam when I got home. We are two extraordinarily different people, going down two entirely different life paths and we love to get together and spend time enjoying two loves in our lives, gardening and art.
Today was spent eating, laughing, talking and even (a little on my part) drinking. With in-laws and immediate family we talked about kids, cuts, bruises and our lives in general. Its always hard to leave and let go of these times together. We don't know when or if they will happen again. But the best thing is to remember even if they don't, they did. That is what makes my family so special to me, all the memories that 30+ years have brought me and the fact I think all these people have made me a better person. I'm not the shy, introverted kid I once was. I am still a bit shy when first meeting people but once I get going, watch out!
I am very fortunate that my 'families', adopted, married into and biological are full of great people. So far I haven't met a relative I can't at least tolerate. And as I have grown older I have learned how important family is. They are there, whether or not they want to be, to help you through good times and bad. And the longer you stick together the closer you become.
In the past few years my family status has changed a great deal. My oldest son joined the Navy and was stationed for 5 years in Japan. My adoptive parents died. I found out I am the middle child of 5. I have a sister and 3 brothers. My nephew, his wife and their little girl moved to MA. My brother-in-law and his wife moved back to MA after 30 years in Las Vegas. I had cancer. My father-in-law had cancer. My youngest son got married. Not all in that order but all in my family.
My large, extended, wonderful family.
I won't say it is a perfect relationship with each an every one. But I think on the whole they are all pretty good relationships and time has seen them grow.
I really like my 'redneck' nephew. He grew up in Las Vegas so we really didn't get to see him much. But since his move to MA with his wife and daughter we have gotten to know them better. Granted we come from different age groups and there are probably quite a few things we might disagree on but I really like them. Yeah it surprises me cause I am not a people person. I wasn't brought up in what you might call a close a bonding family unit. I was also extremely shy (yes, shy) and introverted as a kid so seeing people, meeting them and actually having to talk to them was not something I enjoyed doing. So it always amazes and delights me when I find I like people.
I like my nephew's tenacity to believe in things considered 'redneck'. Political or otherwise. I enjoy his wife's intelligence and the fact that she had gone back to school for and associates degree and she is kicking ass doing it. And their daughter is a kid. Not some mini-adult in kid's clothing. But a kid enjoying being a kid and not rushing to get all grown up. She still enjoys going into grandma's jewelry box and playing 'dress up' with the sparkling, colorful costume jewelry.
I got to spend quite a bit of time this weekend with family. I went to NYC, Brooklyn to be precise on Saturday with my cousin. From 6:45 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. It was great. I was talked out, foot tired and happy as a clam when I got home. We are two extraordinarily different people, going down two entirely different life paths and we love to get together and spend time enjoying two loves in our lives, gardening and art.
Today was spent eating, laughing, talking and even (a little on my part) drinking. With in-laws and immediate family we talked about kids, cuts, bruises and our lives in general. Its always hard to leave and let go of these times together. We don't know when or if they will happen again. But the best thing is to remember even if they don't, they did. That is what makes my family so special to me, all the memories that 30+ years have brought me and the fact I think all these people have made me a better person. I'm not the shy, introverted kid I once was. I am still a bit shy when first meeting people but once I get going, watch out!
07 April 2011
A fine day....
Like all New Englanders I still want just a little more even when the day is a beautiful as today. My 'little more' would be a few more degrees of warmth and just a bit less breeze. Other than that....
I wasn't going out for a walk today. But since I had to go down to the mailbox and that alone gets me down to the road, I thought I should just go for it. It is great to see that the snow banks have finally receded into the woods and for the most part away from the road. And what is left is definitely in the 'snirt' category (snow + dirt = snirt).
This is the time of year when walking down my dirt road I have noticed holes. Not big holes, small holes. About an 1 1/2" x 1", roughly. I have always thought that these were from stones that had worked themselves up and then a tire from some vehicle had 'tossed' them elsewhere. I was totally wrong. Squirrels. You got it, squirrels. It goes something like this. The oak trees drop their acorns onto the road. The acorns that are not gathered or roll off the road get squished into the road. And you guessed it, come spring the squirrels have already pre-cracked, salted and sanded acorns. They find them and dig them out of the road. I have caught them doing this so it isn't just a wild, backwoods tale. Although I don't have a pictures to substantiate my claim.
And speaking of squirrels. I tried to make friends with the mad red squirrel that lives somewhere near my house. This winter I set out a small feeding table which I built. Cracked corn, peanuts and a few black sunflower seeds put there keep the squirrels and chipmunks off the birdfeeders. It also gets some other birds that are ground feeders to come a visit. I thought that this 'peace' offering would help placate my crazy little neighbor. Keep him from staring in my door or 'yelling' at me when I went outside to the generator shed. It didn't work. He has found another reason to chatter at me in disgust. I open my slider door. That is right. Both those 2 spring days in March found the slider in my house opened slightly so I could enjoy the spring like warmth. The mad red squirrel doesn't like this. I don't know if it is because my dogs might go outside or he thinks I should only be allowed out to refill the feeders but I found him on the railing right outside of the door 'yelling' at me. Other than his obvious dislike of me he seems to be quite normal. He doesn't 'say' anything to the hubby and runs when he sees the dogs. I just am special to him and not in a nice way.
Well sugaring season is about to come to an end. We didn't break any records this year with our own boiling. But I understand that this was an especially good year for sugaring.
The forecast for this weekend promises more spring weather with temperatures creeping up toward 70 by Monday if not hitting or exceeding that number. This means the maple trees here will start blooming and that means the end of the sugaring season. Like all harvests that happen in New England it is sad to see it end. Because you know you will have to 'hoard' that precious stash of syrup till next year. Nothing worse than facing a stack of blueberry pancakes on a Sunday morning with no real Vermont maple syrup to pour over them. You might as well not even bother with pancakes without the syrup.
The good part about this season ending is the farmer's markets will be opening again in May and that signals the start of another season. We have a small farmer's market in Townshend about 5 miles from our house. I absolutely love it! Almost every Thursday from May to October I can be found there. Last year there was a woman there that made the best stir fried rice, chicken and veggies ever. I would buy that and Don and I would split it for dinner. There are also the fresh veggies and fruits, baked goods and crafts. An ever changing palette of goods and goodies during our too short warm season.
I wasn't going out for a walk today. But since I had to go down to the mailbox and that alone gets me down to the road, I thought I should just go for it. It is great to see that the snow banks have finally receded into the woods and for the most part away from the road. And what is left is definitely in the 'snirt' category (snow + dirt = snirt).
This is the time of year when walking down my dirt road I have noticed holes. Not big holes, small holes. About an 1 1/2" x 1", roughly. I have always thought that these were from stones that had worked themselves up and then a tire from some vehicle had 'tossed' them elsewhere. I was totally wrong. Squirrels. You got it, squirrels. It goes something like this. The oak trees drop their acorns onto the road. The acorns that are not gathered or roll off the road get squished into the road. And you guessed it, come spring the squirrels have already pre-cracked, salted and sanded acorns. They find them and dig them out of the road. I have caught them doing this so it isn't just a wild, backwoods tale. Although I don't have a pictures to substantiate my claim.
And speaking of squirrels. I tried to make friends with the mad red squirrel that lives somewhere near my house. This winter I set out a small feeding table which I built. Cracked corn, peanuts and a few black sunflower seeds put there keep the squirrels and chipmunks off the birdfeeders. It also gets some other birds that are ground feeders to come a visit. I thought that this 'peace' offering would help placate my crazy little neighbor. Keep him from staring in my door or 'yelling' at me when I went outside to the generator shed. It didn't work. He has found another reason to chatter at me in disgust. I open my slider door. That is right. Both those 2 spring days in March found the slider in my house opened slightly so I could enjoy the spring like warmth. The mad red squirrel doesn't like this. I don't know if it is because my dogs might go outside or he thinks I should only be allowed out to refill the feeders but I found him on the railing right outside of the door 'yelling' at me. Other than his obvious dislike of me he seems to be quite normal. He doesn't 'say' anything to the hubby and runs when he sees the dogs. I just am special to him and not in a nice way.
Well sugaring season is about to come to an end. We didn't break any records this year with our own boiling. But I understand that this was an especially good year for sugaring.
The forecast for this weekend promises more spring weather with temperatures creeping up toward 70 by Monday if not hitting or exceeding that number. This means the maple trees here will start blooming and that means the end of the sugaring season. Like all harvests that happen in New England it is sad to see it end. Because you know you will have to 'hoard' that precious stash of syrup till next year. Nothing worse than facing a stack of blueberry pancakes on a Sunday morning with no real Vermont maple syrup to pour over them. You might as well not even bother with pancakes without the syrup.
The good part about this season ending is the farmer's markets will be opening again in May and that signals the start of another season. We have a small farmer's market in Townshend about 5 miles from our house. I absolutely love it! Almost every Thursday from May to October I can be found there. Last year there was a woman there that made the best stir fried rice, chicken and veggies ever. I would buy that and Don and I would split it for dinner. There are also the fresh veggies and fruits, baked goods and crafts. An ever changing palette of goods and goodies during our too short warm season.
05 April 2011
Life goes on
Ducks, geese, nuthatches, woodpeckers, red-wing blackbirds, crackles, chickadees, grosbeaks, mourning doves, robins, crows, these are just some of the creatures that call to me or fly above and around me while I walk down this dirt road. It is the time of year when the woods start getting noisy with the sound of coming life. First the birds return and eventually the creatures that have spent the long hard winter deep in the wood asleep or there for safety will start to show up again. It is confirmation of life. Renewal. The part of the year that I wish for more fervently than I ever wish for Christmas as a child. I long to see my alliums breaking through the soil, to see the first greens of the daffodils and day lilies. It is during this time of year of remember my own darkest days when I was so much younger and felt that the world had nothing to offer me. That I was a failure in every sense of the word. Incapable and unable to cope with people, drugs and alcohol.
I felt a heavy weight on my shoulders and in my heart and I tried to kill myself. Of course being a coward and not wanting anybody to have to clean up a bloody mess I chose pills. Fortunately I didn't choose well and I survived my poor attempt. It wasn't the first time I had tried and I don't even remember what drove me to that point. But I was lucky, it was a point I was able to return from.
I tell you this because of my son Eli and the recent loss in his life of 2 friends who committed suicide. I wanted to wrap him up in my arms and tell him it was alright, but its not. 2 young men are no longer here. They have left behind grieving friends and family that don't understand what happened. That don't know if there was something that they should have seen. That feel a guilt that somehow they could have saved them when in most likelihood they could not.
As hard as it is too say, suicides are selfish. I know this because I was there. I didn't think about the pain I would inflict upon others. I only thought of me and what I wanted and thought I wasn't getting. And how it would hurt others if I was no longer there.
It does hurt others. But they get to continue with their lives. They get to do and live all those things that a dead person can't. They will never forget their friend. But like all wounds the scar will heal in time until there is just a faded scar to remind them of that friend. But hopefully no one will give up on themselves because of it. They should try to be stronger and maybe a little more caring.
What does this have to do with this dirt road? This is where I ended up when I realized I really did want to live. I didn't want to die, I didn't want to do drugs and I didn't want to be so drunk that I didn't know where I was or who I was with. I choose life. Maybe that is why I watch it so closely in the spring. The trees blooming, the leaves unfolding, the beauty of it all.
We don't know how long we will be here. But we keep going. And if you take every day good or bad as a gift well it is better than Christmas.
I found my 'crazy' in life. I can make people laugh, I have been given a soulmate who drives me crazy, I have 2 sons that are the lights of my life and I cannot ever imagine being without them. I don't have to be responsible every day, I don't even have to be a grown up everyday.
My dirt road is a metaphor for my life. The bumps and ruts. Not being able to get there from here. The daily drama between animals and humans. The fact that there is a beginning and an end. With a pretty good middle. What more could we ask for on brief time of earth other to love and be loved. To find that spot amidst this crazy planet that is ours. Its is not always beautiful days, there is death and ugliness even here. And I found out long ago I can't shelter or protect my boys from the world. Just like I can't deny the bad that is out there. But I am fortunate in having a refuge on this road. An island of my own brand of sanity. Where I can weed in the warm months to release the anger or walk up and down this road and let it fly. Just speak my mind to the trees and let my words fly in the wind. I have peace here.
I wish those 2 souls who have left their mortal coils peace. I hope their families are able to find shelter. I hope Eli is able to draw strength from his family when he visits this coming week. I am full of hope. And every time I drive down this road or walk it my hope is renewed and with it my faith.
So all I can suggest to any of you that read this is find your dirt road. Whether physical or mental it will help you through those rough times in life and you will find other to share with and cling to. And eventually, usually later than sooner it gets better and joy comes again.
To Eli I say focus on a good memory. See and feel it. Talk to that ghost. With your grandma it was skating. I can see her waiting for me to go skating with her. I wasn't good at it but I loved going with her. With my dad it was visiting Sickles on a Saturday. And while he worked I visited and played with machines and got to say good bye to everyone over the PA system. These are the things that make me miss them less. Because I know it was a really good time for all of us and that transcends the worst times.
There really is no way to end this post. So I will just say, loving it, living it, sharing it....pay it forward.
I felt a heavy weight on my shoulders and in my heart and I tried to kill myself. Of course being a coward and not wanting anybody to have to clean up a bloody mess I chose pills. Fortunately I didn't choose well and I survived my poor attempt. It wasn't the first time I had tried and I don't even remember what drove me to that point. But I was lucky, it was a point I was able to return from.
I tell you this because of my son Eli and the recent loss in his life of 2 friends who committed suicide. I wanted to wrap him up in my arms and tell him it was alright, but its not. 2 young men are no longer here. They have left behind grieving friends and family that don't understand what happened. That don't know if there was something that they should have seen. That feel a guilt that somehow they could have saved them when in most likelihood they could not.
As hard as it is too say, suicides are selfish. I know this because I was there. I didn't think about the pain I would inflict upon others. I only thought of me and what I wanted and thought I wasn't getting. And how it would hurt others if I was no longer there.
It does hurt others. But they get to continue with their lives. They get to do and live all those things that a dead person can't. They will never forget their friend. But like all wounds the scar will heal in time until there is just a faded scar to remind them of that friend. But hopefully no one will give up on themselves because of it. They should try to be stronger and maybe a little more caring.
What does this have to do with this dirt road? This is where I ended up when I realized I really did want to live. I didn't want to die, I didn't want to do drugs and I didn't want to be so drunk that I didn't know where I was or who I was with. I choose life. Maybe that is why I watch it so closely in the spring. The trees blooming, the leaves unfolding, the beauty of it all.
We don't know how long we will be here. But we keep going. And if you take every day good or bad as a gift well it is better than Christmas.
I found my 'crazy' in life. I can make people laugh, I have been given a soulmate who drives me crazy, I have 2 sons that are the lights of my life and I cannot ever imagine being without them. I don't have to be responsible every day, I don't even have to be a grown up everyday.
My dirt road is a metaphor for my life. The bumps and ruts. Not being able to get there from here. The daily drama between animals and humans. The fact that there is a beginning and an end. With a pretty good middle. What more could we ask for on brief time of earth other to love and be loved. To find that spot amidst this crazy planet that is ours. Its is not always beautiful days, there is death and ugliness even here. And I found out long ago I can't shelter or protect my boys from the world. Just like I can't deny the bad that is out there. But I am fortunate in having a refuge on this road. An island of my own brand of sanity. Where I can weed in the warm months to release the anger or walk up and down this road and let it fly. Just speak my mind to the trees and let my words fly in the wind. I have peace here.
I wish those 2 souls who have left their mortal coils peace. I hope their families are able to find shelter. I hope Eli is able to draw strength from his family when he visits this coming week. I am full of hope. And every time I drive down this road or walk it my hope is renewed and with it my faith.
So all I can suggest to any of you that read this is find your dirt road. Whether physical or mental it will help you through those rough times in life and you will find other to share with and cling to. And eventually, usually later than sooner it gets better and joy comes again.
To Eli I say focus on a good memory. See and feel it. Talk to that ghost. With your grandma it was skating. I can see her waiting for me to go skating with her. I wasn't good at it but I loved going with her. With my dad it was visiting Sickles on a Saturday. And while he worked I visited and played with machines and got to say good bye to everyone over the PA system. These are the things that make me miss them less. Because I know it was a really good time for all of us and that transcends the worst times.
There really is no way to end this post. So I will just say, loving it, living it, sharing it....pay it forward.
02 April 2011
I'm not alone.
Hello friends. It has been a long 2 weeks on this dirt road. Not just weather wise but health wise. Managed to hunt down and capture me one hell of a cold. The first week I just sort of laid around the house occasionally having coughing spasms in which I thought I would just pop a lung. The rest of the time I just felt plain lousy. This week things have started to get back on track but it is taking awhile. I got back to my walking routine but have to stop every now and then to cough. Very inconvenient. And writing has been the last thing my brain could focus on so I haven't done any of that either. Part of me hopes you missed checking in to see what is going on because I know I have missed my 'cult' followers. Well here is what I was thinking about today....
One thing about walking on this dirt road is you rarely meet up with anybody. It is a quiet backwater road in a quiet town. On occasion a neighbor will drive by, see me and either stop to chat for a minute or wave and continue on their way. But most of the time it's just me.
Today I noticed other footprints on the road. Now one thing about a dirt road and mud season is footprints last for days. As long as the weather stays dry, your footprint is like that of the dinosaur. It's just there set in the mud. And nothing except weather and time will erase that print. So its not unusual for me to see my prints in the road from a week ago. Today there were prints I didn't recognize. They were not mine! How odd someone else walking on the road. It's not like it doesn't happen but I always seem to be alone out there. I felt a little jealous. Like my road cheated on me with another walker, in fact, 2 other walkers. Then I started to wonder if they listened to the woods like I do. Did they look down through the woods at the beaver pond and see the channels starting to flow as the ice slowly retreats? Did they look up to see the geese as they flew overhead their calls echoing? Did they listen to the woodpecker and try to find which tree it was in? Do other people see my road as I do? Or do they just see a dirt road?
This road has brought about change in my life. Which makes me think it is a little more special than your average, run of the mill dirt road. So I wonder when other people walk down it leaving their footprints for me to see. Do they see my dirt road, their dirt road or a dirt road? Questions to ponder on this dirt road.
One thing about walking on this dirt road is you rarely meet up with anybody. It is a quiet backwater road in a quiet town. On occasion a neighbor will drive by, see me and either stop to chat for a minute or wave and continue on their way. But most of the time it's just me.
Today I noticed other footprints on the road. Now one thing about a dirt road and mud season is footprints last for days. As long as the weather stays dry, your footprint is like that of the dinosaur. It's just there set in the mud. And nothing except weather and time will erase that print. So its not unusual for me to see my prints in the road from a week ago. Today there were prints I didn't recognize. They were not mine! How odd someone else walking on the road. It's not like it doesn't happen but I always seem to be alone out there. I felt a little jealous. Like my road cheated on me with another walker, in fact, 2 other walkers. Then I started to wonder if they listened to the woods like I do. Did they look down through the woods at the beaver pond and see the channels starting to flow as the ice slowly retreats? Did they look up to see the geese as they flew overhead their calls echoing? Did they listen to the woodpecker and try to find which tree it was in? Do other people see my road as I do? Or do they just see a dirt road?
This road has brought about change in my life. Which makes me think it is a little more special than your average, run of the mill dirt road. So I wonder when other people walk down it leaving their footprints for me to see. Do they see my dirt road, their dirt road or a dirt road? Questions to ponder on this dirt road.
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