What defines a bad day? Is it the rain, cold, heat, people? Today should have been a good day for me. I accomplished a lot. The usual household chores of cleaning and laundry. Then I mounted 5 large photos from the recent Irene flooding for our community dinner tomorrow night. Pictures that I took and that even though the camera may not be the best, those pictures are great (my personal opinion seconded by my hubby). I went to the farmer's market and didn't even have to cook dinner.
It wasn't even dealing with a doctor's office where even though I have been there, signed papers and agreed to major surgery, they don't seem to know me. Nope that wasn't it.
It was the fact I missed my dog Gracie today. Even though Tallulah (our new baby) is a wonderful dog and I have quickly fallen in love with her, I miss Gracie. It just sneaks up on me. And it makes the day a bad day. Because no matter what, I end up crying. I know tomorrow will be better and this will eventually end but it still hurts.
Sometimes I wonder if Gracie doesn't represent more. I had cancer in 1999. My Dad died in 2000. Some where in between that and my mother's death in 2005 I had a hysterectomy. And Gracie was with me through everything. Now I am facing another surgery and she isn't here. Not that my husband isn't great. He is. But she was the one I whispered my fears to, she was the one that took my secrets with her to the grave. I have mentioned before sometimes you don't want to share your fears with those you love because it may hurt them. And first and foremost as a wife and mother, as a daughter and sister, I don't want my family hurt. So in Gracie's ear I whispered my deepest fears of being sick, dying and losing those whom I loved and into her fur I wept.
The beauty of animals is that they listen. I don't know if they understand but they curl up next to you and let you pour out your heart. They will not give you advice or admonish you for making a mistake. They will look at you with adoration and dry your tears with their tongues. Even now Tallulah is curled up next to me. Worn out from a day of running, exploring and being loved. Yes, I do love her. Differently and the same as all the animals through the years. I will continue to miss Gracie. She was special but eventually thinking about her won't make a bad day. It won't bring tears and all those bittersweet memories associated with her with fade. I can't explain in words what she represented in those 15 years she spent with me, my husband and my sons. But she was important. I would hope in everyone's lives they should have an animal like that. Well I guess you just have to be an animal lover to understand that part of it.
It wasn't even dealing with a doctor's office where even though I have been there, signed papers and agreed to major surgery, they don't seem to know me. Nope that wasn't it.
It was the fact I missed my dog Gracie today. Even though Tallulah (our new baby) is a wonderful dog and I have quickly fallen in love with her, I miss Gracie. It just sneaks up on me. And it makes the day a bad day. Because no matter what, I end up crying. I know tomorrow will be better and this will eventually end but it still hurts.
Sometimes I wonder if Gracie doesn't represent more. I had cancer in 1999. My Dad died in 2000. Some where in between that and my mother's death in 2005 I had a hysterectomy. And Gracie was with me through everything. Now I am facing another surgery and she isn't here. Not that my husband isn't great. He is. But she was the one I whispered my fears to, she was the one that took my secrets with her to the grave. I have mentioned before sometimes you don't want to share your fears with those you love because it may hurt them. And first and foremost as a wife and mother, as a daughter and sister, I don't want my family hurt. So in Gracie's ear I whispered my deepest fears of being sick, dying and losing those whom I loved and into her fur I wept.
The beauty of animals is that they listen. I don't know if they understand but they curl up next to you and let you pour out your heart. They will not give you advice or admonish you for making a mistake. They will look at you with adoration and dry your tears with their tongues. Even now Tallulah is curled up next to me. Worn out from a day of running, exploring and being loved. Yes, I do love her. Differently and the same as all the animals through the years. I will continue to miss Gracie. She was special but eventually thinking about her won't make a bad day. It won't bring tears and all those bittersweet memories associated with her with fade. I can't explain in words what she represented in those 15 years she spent with me, my husband and my sons. But she was important. I would hope in everyone's lives they should have an animal like that. Well I guess you just have to be an animal lover to understand that part of it.
No comments:
Post a Comment