We never talk about death. We exercise, diet, have surgeries, take pills, supplements and try to deny we are all going in the same direction. There is only one end to our lives, no matter how we try to avoid it.
I personally don't believe in heaven or an afterlife. I believe when we breath our last, it joins the first breath we drew and that is all there is. Some may find this morbid, as they want to believe there is more after our time here on earth. But in a sense our breath, for all those years we lived is our immortality. Our breath goes on when our lungs have ceased functioning.
There is only so much air in this world and it has all been breathed in and exhaled long before we made our appearance here.
We use euphemisms to refer to death. Passed, lost, kicked the bucket, there are literally hundreds of ways to avoid using the words, death, dying or dead. I didn't "lose" my parents. That sounds like I misplaced them. They died and their ashes are in a mausoluem in FL. I know exactly where they are. Which is more than I can say for some of my other relatives.
The subject of death and dying is more on my mind now that I have reached my 60's. It's not the only thing on my mind but I realize now I need to have some sort of written directive to let my family know that when I am dying which hopefully will not be for quite awhile, that I chose to die with dignity, and maybe by choice. They need to know that I don't want my life prolonged with feeding tubes or a machine that breaths for me. I choose quality of life not quantity. I don't want to be a body in a hospital bed.
I have been reading books as of late that deal with the subject of death. The latest is "How to get the death you want - a practical and moral guide" by John Abraham, which is enlightening.
I have found in recent years that structured religion is not for me. I attended church as a child (Congregationalist) and spent 10 years or so attending a "fundamentalist" church in our fair state. I have no problem with religion per say if that is the way you want to go. It is not the path I chose. I will not argue on this page or anywhere else or with anyone else my beliefs against yours. That isn't what it's all about. I accept what others choose to believe as that is their right. I would hope that they would extend the same courtesy to me. Now back to death.
In the human fight against death, which is lost on a daily basis, some refuse to stand down and accept that no matter what you do, death is inevitable. Of course there are different deaths, some come with age, some by accident and some on purpose. I am talking about my death as in the latter years of my life and how I am starting to approach the "final curtain".
To be truthful my husband and I have not had the discussion on death. We have had the discussion on the fact I want to be cremated and my remains scattered here and there, in the town we have spent our married life in and where ever else seems good (as long as it doesn't have to do with cities or suburbia). I do not want a wake or a funeral. I know that bothers him but I also feel he will follow my wishes. If he wants a get together of some sort, that is fine. Although I don't really plan on being the first to go, well you just never know.
In writing this, I also realize I do not know what my husband wants. Does he want cremation, to be buried, a wake, or a funeral?? These are questions to ask. We need to talk about this and we need to write it down and we need to tell our children what our thoughts are, what we require when the time comes.
There are decisions to be made. Not all at once and there is not set time limit on when they should be made, but they do need to be made. In speaking about our deaths I think we are better able to live our lives. There are less years in front of me than behind, I want that time to be the best possible and if it means having an uncomfortable conversation with my husband and with my sons, so be it. I think it this concern I am allowed to think of myself because when death comes to me, it is my family that will be comforted in knowing they did what was right for me.
I personally don't believe in heaven or an afterlife. I believe when we breath our last, it joins the first breath we drew and that is all there is. Some may find this morbid, as they want to believe there is more after our time here on earth. But in a sense our breath, for all those years we lived is our immortality. Our breath goes on when our lungs have ceased functioning.
There is only so much air in this world and it has all been breathed in and exhaled long before we made our appearance here.
We use euphemisms to refer to death. Passed, lost, kicked the bucket, there are literally hundreds of ways to avoid using the words, death, dying or dead. I didn't "lose" my parents. That sounds like I misplaced them. They died and their ashes are in a mausoluem in FL. I know exactly where they are. Which is more than I can say for some of my other relatives.
The subject of death and dying is more on my mind now that I have reached my 60's. It's not the only thing on my mind but I realize now I need to have some sort of written directive to let my family know that when I am dying which hopefully will not be for quite awhile, that I chose to die with dignity, and maybe by choice. They need to know that I don't want my life prolonged with feeding tubes or a machine that breaths for me. I choose quality of life not quantity. I don't want to be a body in a hospital bed.
I have been reading books as of late that deal with the subject of death. The latest is "How to get the death you want - a practical and moral guide" by John Abraham, which is enlightening.
I have found in recent years that structured religion is not for me. I attended church as a child (Congregationalist) and spent 10 years or so attending a "fundamentalist" church in our fair state. I have no problem with religion per say if that is the way you want to go. It is not the path I chose. I will not argue on this page or anywhere else or with anyone else my beliefs against yours. That isn't what it's all about. I accept what others choose to believe as that is their right. I would hope that they would extend the same courtesy to me. Now back to death.
In the human fight against death, which is lost on a daily basis, some refuse to stand down and accept that no matter what you do, death is inevitable. Of course there are different deaths, some come with age, some by accident and some on purpose. I am talking about my death as in the latter years of my life and how I am starting to approach the "final curtain".
To be truthful my husband and I have not had the discussion on death. We have had the discussion on the fact I want to be cremated and my remains scattered here and there, in the town we have spent our married life in and where ever else seems good (as long as it doesn't have to do with cities or suburbia). I do not want a wake or a funeral. I know that bothers him but I also feel he will follow my wishes. If he wants a get together of some sort, that is fine. Although I don't really plan on being the first to go, well you just never know.
In writing this, I also realize I do not know what my husband wants. Does he want cremation, to be buried, a wake, or a funeral?? These are questions to ask. We need to talk about this and we need to write it down and we need to tell our children what our thoughts are, what we require when the time comes.
There are decisions to be made. Not all at once and there is not set time limit on when they should be made, but they do need to be made. In speaking about our deaths I think we are better able to live our lives. There are less years in front of me than behind, I want that time to be the best possible and if it means having an uncomfortable conversation with my husband and with my sons, so be it. I think it this concern I am allowed to think of myself because when death comes to me, it is my family that will be comforted in knowing they did what was right for me.
